2013-01-11

Why My Butt Itches

Something occurred to me during the night last week. My butt hole itched uncontrollably. Did I scratch? Hell yea I did. All night until I couldn’t scratch anymore because it was too painful. No, it wasn’t that bad but I did scratch a lot. I looked up what I might have on WebMD. It told me that it could be anything from pinworms, to hemorrhoids, to a yeast infection. Well, I knew I didn’t have hemorrhoids. Whew! Close call there. And also I kind of knew that a yeast infection would not make much sense in this particular situation. Ding, ding, ding, and the winner is pinworms. They receive the grand prize of my angst towards them. I hope they rot in butt hole hell, because when I get some medicine that is what it’s going to be.

There are three things that I learned about health in general as I have become more healthy myself. One: ignorance and denial are the leading cause of poor health. And two: health is a matter of what has to be done, not what someone wants to be done or needs to be done. The underlying issue for those in poor health is first they do not know what is causing him/her to be in poor health. Then when something happens to the person, he/she thinks it’s a random occurrence that is totally unconnected to anything else that he/she does in his/her life. For example (i’ll pick on Dad), my Dad has a growth on his foot. Just a dark brown spot that is as wide as an old half dollar. He doesn’t know what it is nor does he care to find out what it is. He just lets it grow uncontrollably while turning the cheek towards it’s very existence.

When I figured out I had worms in me I went to Whole Foods to get some wormwood concentrated solution that kills pinworms and worms in general. Not a very pleasant drink but it gets the job done. Over the next couple days my butt began to feel more relief so I knew that the solution was working. I continue to drink it to ensure those bastards never come back. But they still have a chance of coming back if I don’t also continue to have good hygiene. I’m on top of my game now and things are getting better.

Holistic medicine and preventative health care practices are not always the most pleasant. Taking a wormwood serum, running a mile a day, and eating in moderation were not always on the top of my priority list. Growing up I would have to say they were pretty low because I thought because I was athletic and played sports that it balanced out other habits. When you get older though and sports and recreation slows down, you see the difference and you feel the itch. There came a point for me last year when I had to stop denying what was in front of me. When I had to realize that I was unhealthy and that the only way to change my situation around was to take my health by the horns. I did it, not because I wanted to, not because I needed to, but because I had to. Gone are the days of ignorant bliss and pleasant denial. A new age and a new me was born.

Multinational corporations, however, work like mad hatters to curb human integrity. They shape our minds to set us up for what we want and need, not what we have to do. These corporations know what they have to do; they have to sell a million dollars worth of ads during the Super Bowl half-time show just to get a fraction of the television audience to buy their product. That is called leverage. It’s also called quantity. On the other hand, I  do what I have to do to live a quality life. Eating just what I need and nothing more. Taking medicines that I have to take to make myself better. I don’t want to succumb to the machine and be what the world wants me to be. I want to be what God compels me to be: a loving and balanced person. To be that person though, there are things I have to do. I don’t have the choice of what I want or need. That’s not how the corporations want it. They have “better” plans for me and you. The question then becomes, what do you have to do?